I went from no resolutions to 24 written up within an hour so it’s safe to say there wasn’t much over-thinking involved. Until I decided to start a whole blog about it, of course. Here are my goals for April…
- Do my hair AND makeup (I can ask for help) and go out
Urgh. Wearing makeup makes me look like a dog baby dressed up in it’s momma’s makeup. Yeah yeah I know, dog’s don’t even wear makeup, I’m just trying to give you a visual okay? Although it turns out I’m just sitting here imagining puppers with their dog moms frolicking about in a meadow, getting lipstick caught in their fur as they give their owner’s little kisses. Damn it this visual is way too cute! Right. Let me start over. If you find a recent instagram post of me hanging out when my bestie or partner can’t say ‘Yes I Was Present’ I’ll give you a fiver. They will not judge me for going out looking like a naked mole rat that’s trying too hard so I’m not so scared to dress up. (Unless I actually met them at Nandos completely nudders. Then they might judge me, but only because we’re British and it’s kinda cold here.) Everyone else will get my standard ‘No I’m not ugly I’m just not wearing makeup’ response to my bare face. I don’t wear makeup to work or with other people. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.
The fact I haven’t been to a hairdresser’s for nine years is a separate issue; I earn wayyy under London living wage and I try super hard to save for nice meals/trips with my friends. Other People have disregarded my need to be frugal on multiple occasions: ‘no, you’re just quirky!’, ‘I wish I was confident enough to make less of an effort’ or ‘It’s cool you don’t care about stuff like that’. These sound like nice enough comments if the whole money issue hadn’t been ignored. Plus, I too am guilty of caring! I too am part of the insta generation disgustingly measuring my self worth to an unrealistic view of self image when scrolling through my friend’s facebook images. (My friends are Fit AF guys.)
I ain’t paying for a haircut – I’ll save that for when I’m earning more – but I will get on with the goal and make an effort and I won’t feel awkward about it. Probably. And then I’ll take a selfie whether I look like a festering corpse or not so that I have a momentum of the occasion, whilst secretly wishing I had the naturally luscious locks of a husky.
Ps. Don’t berate me for being self-critical. I don’t know many women who don’t assess how to deal with their hang ups every time they cross paths with a mirror. Tell your best girl friend she looks great today. Pay yourself a compliment next time you get out the shower. Don’t judge another woman for what she’s wearing. Unless she’s wearing, like, an ‘I hate dogs’ t-shirt or something. Then you can totally judge her and let rouge chihuahuas nibble at her toes for good measure.
- Do something I used to enjoy, but stopped doing because I wasn’t an expert.
I’m sure it felt like a great idea when I was home alone on New Year’s Eve, when I hastily wrote up my resolutions, to re-try something I gave up on but now I’m not so sure. I gave up dancing because it made me feel empowered as a child but insecure as a teenager. I don’t even want to think about my just-as-awkward adult body busting some moves. I no longer play piano because I’m not good enough to warrant stealing someone’s piano. One time I climbed through a cave and after screaming about how I was going to die for two hours came out saying ‘I’d like to do that again’ and never did because, dude, I’m so weak.
Oh, I certainly gave up drinking whisky ‘because I wasn’t an expert.’ I understand this is ridiculous because, come on now, sipping on a beverage is hardly rocket science. I love it (my twitter and instagram handles are @whiskywolfcub for a reason) but men – a whooole lotta men – kept quizzing me on it in an attempt to catch me out and my vague interest irritated them. Plus I was ruining their super cool view of a whisky drinker by wearing too much pink or something. Whilst most people I know are drinking whisky now (sorry to those men), it remains unsuitable for someone on less than favourable wages. I would like to explain to anyone who knows me reading this that my avoidance of whisky began to occur BEFORE I met my partner. For those who don’t know me, this is relevant because my partner is a qualified whisky dude, or something.
There’s a whole Von Trapp load of creative and academic pursuits I have dabbled in but didn’t feel expert enough to pursue. Which activity do I pick, and how do I go about doing it?
Recommendations welcome (and possibly necessary).